How To Recover From Spiritual Abuse

“What reasons cause active Christians in ministry to leave their churches and become statistics? Every year, thousands of devout Christians abandon churches due to spiritual abuse. People who left their home church because of an unpleasant and hurtful experience portray a picture of a widespread occurrence that church leaders and worshippers alike should think about. Spiritual abuse, or the abuse of spiritual authority in the Christian Church to malign believers, is a complicated topic. This book explains how people dealt with their grief following spiritual abuse in their local church and how they found spiritual harmony again. Their spiritual path demonstrates how one can grow spiritually as a result of such a traumatic situation. This book takes a thoughtful look at spiritual rehabilitation from clergy abuse from the perspective of people who have gone through it. It asks church leaders to think about how the Church is currently dysfunctional, and it seeks to show how to move ahead in Christ after a period of disappointment with church leadership.”

How do you address spiritual abuse?

Serving as a leader is a fantastic honor that comes with a lot of responsibilities. Ministry leaders provide direction, assurance, encouragement, and hope to the people they serve. Ministry leaders wield a great deal of power, and they must use it wisely.

Crossing the line from leading with authority to acting in an authoritarian manner is one area where persons in significant ministry roles can cause harm. This is commonly referred to as “spiritual abuse” in ministry circles.

Here are three methods for recognizing and addressing this growing concern among ministry leaders.

RECOGNIZE THE PROBLEM

First and foremost, it is critical to comprehend what spiritual abuse is not. The authoritative proclamation of Biblical truth, strategic management, and the enforcement of institutional ethical norms are examples of things that do not come under the rubric of spiritual abuse. Appropriate exhortation, rebuke, and punishment are also not considered “spiritual abuse.”

Having stated that, it is critical to have a working definition of the problem. Authors David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen write in their book “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse” that this type of abuse is “the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support, or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining, or decreasing that person's spiritual empowerment.”

When authoritarianism rises to the surface and leaders behave from a position of power rather than humble influence, spiritual abuse happens.

• Without proper rationale and/or relationship, rules are accepted and implemented.
• Unspiritual disagreement is labeled as such because it lacks a restorative spirit.
• Substantive criticism and adequate reporting relationships are shielded from leaders.
• The organization's and/or key leaders' public image is sanitized to an unhealthy degree.
• When inquiries arise, side subjects are introduced to divert attention away from more pressing ones.
• Select personnel have access to funds with no protections in place to ensure responsibility.

LEAD WITH AUTHORITY

Leaders can be agents of change to counteract the detrimental consequences of spiritual abuse once an unhealthy dynamic has been detected. Managers who are wise create clear boundaries for personal accountability. Modeling prudent financial management and an open-door policy are other key traits to emulate.

Moreover, despite fears to the contrary, servant leadership demonstrated by individuals at the top of the org chart improves the work environment and can be suitably integrated into even high-output, strategic settings.

RESPOND WITH GRACE AND TRUTH

If you're dealing with spiritual abuse in your workplace, start with a grace-filled reaction. Even though it seems contradictory, when your leadership is questioned or criticized, take a step back and evaluate the purpose behind what is being stated.

Rather than becoming bitter or spiteful while furious, try to de-escalate the situation. Make every effort to maintain open channels of contact with people at all levels of the organization, especially those with whom you disagree or with whom you lack chemistry.

Work hard to establish an environment where genuine communication may take place in an atmosphere of mutual respect. Consider verses like Romans 12:9-21 in the Bible. Consider the consequences for the glory of One in your life and ministry.

A DEGREE TO HELP YOU SERVE OTHERS IN MINISTRY LEADERSHIP

Our A.S. in Biblical Studies and B.S. in Ministry Leadership degree programs will give you the knowledge and skills to recognize spiritual abuse, lead with positive authority, and respond in grace and truth. To learn more about this intriguing program, contact an enrollment counselor.

What counts as religious abuse?

Religious abuse is any form of abuse perpetrated under the pretense of religion, such as harassment or humiliation, that causes psychological harm. Misuse of religion for selfish, secular, or ideological objectives, such as the abuse of a priestly position, is an example of religious abuse.

What is spiritual trauma?

Spiritual trauma is the result of a person's reaction to a belief system that dismisses and degrades them on behalf of a deity or a set of deities. More information can be found here. Christians are frequently encouraged to recruit for their religion, and losing a Christian friend or family member can be devastating.

Unfortunately, the desire to “reach” to the “lost” and the desperate need to reclaim lost territory with the emergence of the “nones” sometimes lead well-intentioned Christians to say hurtful things to those who have already been terribly hurt by the tradition. Words are important to someone who is just beginning to break free from destructive thinking habits. Here are some of my thoughts.

What does religious trauma look like?

Confusion in thinking (black vs. white, right vs. wrong), conflicts with people in your community or religious teachings, inability to make judgments, inability to trust yourself, and a constant search for clarification

Isolation, relationship issues, sexual difficulties, socially stunted and awkward conduct, being hyper-aware of others' emotional state and emotions, being hyper-aware and feeling responsible for others' internal state and emotions

Symptoms of trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may also be present. This can include flashbacks, insomnia, nightmares, restlessness, a lack of enjoyment in activities you used to like, hypervigilance, avoidance, and other symptoms.

How do you deal with a controlling religious parent?

It's fine to request that your parents respect your religious beliefs. It's more than OK; it's critical, because otherwise, they'll keep attempting to persuade you to change your mind. Your parents have most likely felt responsible for morally shaping you since before you were born (I know mine have), thus the fact that you've rejected many of the ideals they worked so hard to teach in you may make them feel like they “failed” you.

When you make it plain to your parents that they aren't accountable for your opinions and aren't capable of changing them, you relieve a lot of strain on them and their connection with you.

I've asked my parents to respect my opinions, and it's made our discussions a lot less stressful. Of course, they still explain why they disagree with my viewpoints (as they should), but I no longer feel as if they're trying to persuade me to alter my mind — and this has allowed us to be much more open with one another.

How do I know if I have religious trauma?

Religious trauma can present itself in a variety of ways, and no two people will have the same experience. However, there are a number of common signs and symptoms in adults who were exposed to religious trauma as children, including the following:

• Avoidance behaviors are a form of avoidance (i.e., avoiding any thing, person, or place that reminds you of the trauma)

What causes religious trauma?

When a person struggles to leave a religion or a set of beliefs that has led to their indoctrination, it is known as religious trauma syndrome (RTS). Breaking free from a controlling environment, lifestyle, or religious figure is a common traumatic experience. Religious trauma can have symptoms that are similar to those of complex post-traumatic stress disorder in some situations (C-PTSD).

What does emotional abuse involve?

• Gaslighting is when someone manipulates the truth to make you doubt your own feelings and thoughts, and even your sanity. Visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline for additional information on how gaslighting works.
• Calling you names or telling you that you're stupid, publically embarrassing you, and blaming you for everything are all examples of put-downs. Public humiliation is a type of social abuse as well.
• Isolation: restricting your freedom of movement and preventing you from communicating with others (such as friends or family). It may also prevent you from engaging in your usual activities, such as social activities, sports, school, or job. Isolation and social maltreatment are two different things.
• Controlling or withholding your money, stopping you from working or studying, and stealing from you are all examples of financial abuse. Domestic violence can sometimes take the form of financial abuse.
• Bullying and intimidation occur when someone says or does things with the intent of hurting you.