Can Spiritual Awakening Kill You

I used to know a yoga teacher who joked that she'd never awaken because she wasn't far enough along the path, didn't know enough, or wasn't good enough.

She believed that spiritually advanced or special people were the only ones who experienced awakening.

Why? Because there's nothing remarkable about waking up. It's simply a transition from total identification with the mind–I am my thoughts–to an experience of awareness or the field of being in which those thoughts arise–I am thinking those thoughts (which are almost certainly false). The ‘I' that is thinking those thoughts eventually fades away, leaving simply perception, or consciousness.

As a result, awakening is a change in consciousness that is frequently accompanied with energy experiences. Kundalini Awakening is the term used by yogis to describe the process of awakening, which can be accompanied by a variety of physical, emotional, mental, and energy manifestations, not all of which are pleasant.

Awakening is happening to people all across the world right now, in varied degrees.

Stephan Cope experienced it while studying yoga and Vipassana meditation. Guy Johnson had this experience on his first meditation retreat. And nine years ago, it happened to me.

An Awakening Experience

In August and September of 2004, I had two psychotic episodes and was admitted to Lion's Gate Hospital's Acute Psych Ward. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and given antipsychotic and mood stabilizer medication.

Despite the psyche-shattering experience of psychosis, I felt deep down that what I'd been through was some type of awakening–albeit one warped by my ego.

I'd experienced a number of phenomena I was familiar with from my reading of yogic texts–such as Oneness and Bliss–during my two periods of psychosis, each of which lasted about five days before sedation brought me down. I recognized myself as a part of ‘All That Is,' and I saw through the illusion of separateness to the genuine nature of reality–Oneness.' I'd vanished.

This encounter, however, had a darker side to it. Suddenly, all of the shadow components of my mind flooded into my awareness and consciousness, everything I'd been avoiding and ignoring for the previous eight years of traveling and partying throughout the world.

It was an excessive amount of energy, awareness, and connection. My thoughts blew out because I couldn't deal.

I quickly assessed the situation and realized that the only way to get out of the psych unit was to remain quiet about all the spiritual experiences I'd had and accept the diagnosis and medicine I'd been given.

Sharing mystical discoveries about an awakening experience in a psychiatric facility was not a good idea. Then they'd think I was completely insane.

A Shift in Consciousness

I packed my belongings and travelled back to my mother's house in Glenorchy, New Zealand, a week later, to try to find out what had happened to me.

My first stop was to a nearby yoga studio. What I'd experienced had something to do with yoga, according to my instincts. I'd been doing more and more yoga at local studios in the years preceding up to my psychosis, as well as regularly meditating at home. Yes, I preferred to trip out while focused inward, so my meditation was generally accompanied by some type of consciousness-expanding substance. Marijuana was my go-to meditation drug, but I also used mushrooms and, on rare occasions, acid.

That cocktail of medications, meditation, and yoga practice was certain to fail.

It caused a shift in my consciousness before I'd finished the arduous work of confronting my shadows and demons at a reasonable pace.

But I didn't realize it at the time. I didn't find out about it from any of my local yoga instructors. They didn't know quite as much as I did.

A Dangerous Combination

The internet proved to be my saving grace. There, I discovered Kundalini Awakening stories as well as references to books by men such as Krishna Gopi, author of Living with Kundalini, and Dr. Lee Sannella, author of The Kundalini Experience: Psychosis of Transcendence. I devoured any book I could lay my hands on. I was determined to show that I wasn't hallucinating and that something else had happened to me.

I finally met a real yoga instructor, Swami Shantimurti of Ashram Yoga in Auckland, two years after my insanity ended.

He was in Queenstown presenting a chakra workshop. He lectured about the dangers of consuming drugs and practicing yoga at this course. He discussed Kundalini Awakening. He also discussed how Kundalini awakening without the proper assistance and supervision from a competent instructor might lead to psychosis.

Following that, I joined the crowd of students surrounding Swami Shantimurti and cried up as I questioned him in front of this audience if my experience sounded like an awakening. His affirmation confirmed what I'd always suspected–that I wasn't insane and that my experience was a known quantity. Swami Shantimurti also taught me several techniques for balancing my system.

Since then, I've written and openly shared my experiences. Many people have contacted me to share their stories and ask questions about their own experiences. Most people are relieved to find that what they're going through is a normal part of life. Awakening is unusual, although it is common.

Awakening is Humanity's Evolutionary Destiny

These encounters are part of our evolutionary destiny. Hedonistic behavior, such as eating meat, drinking a lot of alcohol, using a lot of narcotics, and living an ignorant life, is the only way to prevent them from happening. The energy then does not become potent enough to cause an awakening on any level.

An energy shift can happen to anyone at any time, and it can happen on a physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual level. The intensity of the experience, the difficulty of the experience, and the difficulty of maintaining a balanced mind are all determined by the level.

Swami Muktidharma of Anahata Yoga Retreat in Takaka, New Zealand, who studied and learned under Swami Satyananda, like Swami Shantmurti, concurs:

When there is no actual guidance, things like this can happen. Many people have experienced making blunders as a result of a lack of suitable direction. This is distressing since some of them may wind up in psychiatric institutions or even comatose. Because they bring up deep seated impressions or samskaras, there are several mental cleansing practices in yoga that must first be comprehended.

Kundalini Awakening

Although these waking experiences are commonly referred to as Kundalini Awakening, both Swamis emphasize that a full Kundalini Awakening is a distinct experience that involves the resolution of all of the psyche's knots and samskaras.

Traditionally, an aspirant would spend years, if not lifetimes, methodically working through the knots and difficulties of the psyche through yoga's cleansing techniques before experiencing an awakening. Now, however, a wide range of people are experiencing various forms of awakenings, and these awakenings are frequently grouped together under the term ‘Kundalini Awakening.'

This is, however, far from being a spiritual experience. When people encounter these kinds of bodily experiences, they frequently mistake it for Kundalini rising. According to Swami Muktidharma:

The word ‘Kundalini Awakening' is widely misunderstood. The vast majority of persons who claim to have Kundalini awakened are perplexed. They don't realize that when you do yoga, energy is forced to flow through your body. This is the movement of prana through the body being stimulated.

Swami Muktidharma's viewpoint is not shared totally by Swami Shantimurti, demonstrating that even among long-time yogis, there can be dispute over what these awakening experiences are and how they occur.

Many energy experiences aren't Kundalini Awakening, yet all energy, whether physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, is Kundalini-based. People are experiencing an energy change, and they may be able to awaken levels of perception that temporarily activate the chakras. They have the ability to engage in certain unusual behaviors.

Kundalini in its purest form. Mulhadara sends a surge of energy up the back of the spine, over the top of the head, and into the forehead during the awakening experience. The entire system has sprung to life. This can be quite powerful, and if people aren't prepared, they can become schizophrenic, paranoid, or suffer from major so-called mental illnesses. The entire experience, however, can be successfully dealt with through yoga and associating with someone who is aware of what is going on.

The difficulty is that many of us who experience these energy shifts have no idea what's going on, and oftentimes neither do the yoga or meditation teachers with whom we're training.

Meditation Retreat

Guy Johnson, an Auckland-based art director, went on a 10-day Vipassana retreat near Auckland, New Zealand, in September 2011.

I'd never meditated before, and I didn't even know what meditation was. I had hoped to learn a technique to help me relax and cope with life's worries.

Guy's life was irrevocably changed as a result of what transpired on the Vipassana retreat.

On Day 2, he had a dream about choking a man to death and awoke choking on his own tongue.

After a few hours, it dawned on me that I was killing a piece of myself. I was in a strange state for the rest of the day.

Guy began to see flickering images and lights of various kinds on days three and four, and his body began to move in spontaneous mudras.

My tongue was energized and stiff. It had bent back to my mouth's roof. In meditation, I couldn't stop it from doing this. It appeared to be channeling electricity between my head and my body.

Guy had a spontaneous Khechari Mudra, or tongue lock mudra, and didn't even realize it. It was insignificant in comparison to what was about to happen.

My entire body was inundated with subatomic particles towards the end of my hour-long sit, and I felt fluid and surreal. Then I felt a rumble deep within me as a low buzzing sound grew louder and louder. This was accompanied by a strong, almost sensual delightful sense.

I felt like I was hit by a freight train, and there was an explosion of the purest white electricity/energy I'd ever witnessed. It was inside of me, scurrying up and down my body. I came to the realization that I was nothing but energy–pure white energy. It felt like a volcanic eruption inside of me, and it was really strong. It was also a little frightening. I blinked open my eyes. Everything appeared to be strange.

For a break, we all stepped outside. I was stumbling and struggling to walk straight. I found some dirt and kneeled down with my hands on the ground, unsure of what had just happened. In the evening, on the next sit, I had the same experience in a very same manner.

Spiritual Quest

Guy has never heard of yoga before. Kundalini was something he'd never heard of before. His meditation experience had been restricted to the retreat. The moment has come to speak with the Vipassana teacher.

I don't believe he realized what was going on. He recently stated: “What Vipassana reveals is quite potent.”

The rest of the 10-day course was drenched in a supernatural air after this spectacular fourth day.

I couldn't get any rest. Something strange would happen every time I meditated–visions or spontaneous hand mudras similar to those seen on Christian saints.

After each'sit,' I'd feel energized. I'd become so wired by the nights that I began searching the retreat grounds for a tree large enough for me to embrace in a frantic attempt to ground myself. My sanity was in jeopardy. I had the strange sensation that I was dissolving and that my body was evaporating. I was hypersensitive, almost supernaturally sensitive. I felt as if I was being cured in a ruthless manner. Emotions and recollections from the past flooded back into my thoughts. All of this led me to believe that Vipassana was at work, cleaning the mind of poisonous karmas.

I was delighted, lighthearted, and sensitive. I stayed in this state for the next six months. But, more crucially, it had sparked in me the need to know myself profoundly and to comprehend the basis of my existence–a journey that I can't seem to ignore, stop, or wish to abandon. This goal appears to be the most significant component of my life right now. It's a huge transition, with major questions being raised and unnoticed consequences for most people, but it seems like a storm is brewing inside me.

Guy didn't obtain the soothing experience he expected from Vipassana–a type of meditation that employs a technique known as analytic meditation “A self-exploratory journey based on observation to the common root of mind and body that removes mental impurities.”

The Cultivation of Clear Seeing

When you invest too much clarity of vision or insight in oneself without the necessary basis and support of equanimity or peaceful abiding, odd things might happen. Stephan Cope describes his experience at a month-long Vipassana retreat in his book. He, too, felt as if he was ‘disappearing,' as if he'd lost his sense of Self, or Being-ness. Vipassana is defined by Stephan, author of Yoga and the Search for the True Self, as “the cultivation of clear sight.” Stephan highlights the need for the technique of clear seeing–i.e. Vipassana–to be evenly balanced with serenity in his book, which discusses his personal Kundalini experiences as well as those of other pupils and friends.

Panicked, Stephen went to one of the Vipassana professors late at night, who calmly told him:

You aren't going insane. You've honed your awareness to a fine point… Your awareness has progressed faster than your calmness. You should return to a practice that promotes equanimity.

Stephen was lucky in that his Vipassana teacher recognized what he was going through and offered a balancing practice. (The Vipassana Centre where Guy was a student refused to comment on this account or Guy's experience.)

Twin Pillars of the Reality Practice

Stephen's experience inspired him to create the Twin Pillars of the Reality Practice–awareness and equanimity, two aspects of ourselves that must develop at the same time throughout yoga and meditation practice in order to be balanced and sane.

We focus all of our work on cultivating awareness at our peril, sometimes overlooking the huge repertory of self-building and serenity practices that are supposed to complement building insight. In reality, yoga's beginning practices are almost entirely focused on developing a peacefully abiding self.

This was also where my practice went awry. Not only was I concentrating on clear-seeing techniques, but I was also supplementing them with pharmaceuticals, which was a prescription for disaster.

I hadn't yet developed a stable sense of self, and I was hopelessly unaware of many elements of myself.

People seeking transformation should recognize that we must apply oneself to the necessary learning processes with the proper supervision. Learning yoga practices from books is a terrible error since everyone interprets books differently, and books can't correct us. Everything must be carried out in a very orderly manner:

• Finally, Kundalini awakens, bringing us through several levels of samadhi, from Savikalpa Samadhi to Nirvikalpa.

It's a methodical and supportive approach to navigating our evolutionary path. However, most of us do not practice yoga in this manner. Many of us jump from one practice to the next. We go to teachers who have only been educated for a month and know little more than proper body alignment in asana.

Finding a True Teacher

Finding a true yoga teacher, on the other hand, is a rare discovery. According to Swami Muktidharma:

Some teachers have a wealth of personal experience that they may share with their students. These are the actual teachers who will be able to help students who have had similar situations by providing appropriate assistance.

As a yoga instructor, you must expect something to happen to one of your students at some point. These days, you have to expect it because the potential is there. However, given the current number of yoga teachers, it is difficult to expect them all to have a thorough understanding of the energy part of yoga. As long as yoga teachers have someone to whom they can send a student and who they trust. That will suffice.

Swami Shantimurti was the teacher I was looking for. Tara Springett was discovered on the internet by Guy Johnson.

Tara is a Tibetan Buddhist teacher and psychologist living in the United Kingdom who has had her own Kundalini experience. She works with Kundalini experience clients all over the world.

I teach folks about Kundalini, how it works, how it evolves, and what it might include so they can feel more at ease with what's going on because they know it's a natural process.

This allows people to let go of their fears about what's going on.

Then I address the difficulties that arise as a result of the event, beginning with emotional and spiritual concerns. When those issues are addressed, the physical symptoms usually subside.

Guy had gone from powerful energetic experiences at the retreat to dealing with the reality of his experience–mood swings, feelings of alienation and dislocation from friends and society, anxiety and fear–and her direction and support made all the difference. Guy, on the other hand, is keen to point out that his expertise has brought him many benefits.

My ideas and intuition seem to have received a system upgrade. I frequently experience clairsentience, or the ability to sense another's energy. These are just some of the more pleasant side effects, not that they are important or the purpose.

Guy's anchor was Tara, who taught him how to ground himself through heart chakra-based meditations that cultivate loving kindness.

I discovered that once Kundalini is triggered, it will work its way through the system, bringing up everything bad or toxic so that it may be worked on. Now that I'm more grounded and aware, I'm better able to tolerate the hard periods, and I've also learned to appreciate the happy moments for what they are: small, fleeting signs of development.

An Expanding Experience of Reality

Guy's situation is similar to mine. I was able to settle back into ordinary life, albeit with an increasing perception of reality, after I understood what I was feeling and how to balance out the energy fluctuations and work with the coming samskaras.

Guy is just one of many folks I've met who have had awakening experiences in the previous eight years.

The majority of them had no idea what was going on and had difficulty finding yoga or meditation teachers who could help them.

However, with the support of the internet and serious instructors like Swami Shantimurti, Swami Muktidharam, and Tara Springett, it is possible to work through shifts in consciousness without feeling too alienated or dislocated from daily life–and without ending up in a psychiatric facility.

One hazard for people who have had spiritual awakenings is the ego's rapid co-opting of the experience–the awakening becomes just another story to support ego identification. The shift in consciousness disappears, and one is once again identified with one's thoughts. That was my instant reaction after waking up from the delusion. I was back to my thoughts, and the awakening was consigned to a ‘once-in-a-lifetime' experience.

However, once a sight of that other reality is caught, the knowing remains. As I knuckled down to undertake the hard job of releasing the countless samskaras and knots in my brain, that knowing became my North Star. I met gurus like Swami Shantimurti and learned that, ironically, some of the best teachers of awakening are men like Adhyshanti and Eckhart Tolle, rather than yoga teachers.

They've both written and talked extensively about their own personal experiences and what it's like to live an enlightened life, with Adhyshanti even penning a book titled The End of Your World.

The End of Your World

Because that is, at its core, how awakening feels. One world has vanished, and a new one has emerged in its place– one in which one simply is, rather than one in which the'me' or ‘I' governs.

My current experience is primarily defined by Being. Ego identification occurs as well, but it's becoming more and more difficult to detect that small shift in awareness when it happens. I'm conscious of the stories that the'me' wants to create and believe, and I'm able to let them go.

This is the work of awakening–coming back into an abiding sense of consciousness, moment by moment.

Because that's all waking is right now–an ordinary sensation of Being. There was nothing extraordinary or noteworthy about it. That yoga teacher who once told me she'd never awaken in her life–probably she's had moments where she's Awake without realizing it. You've done the same.

Moments of full immersion in beauty, such as a sunset, in which you cease to exist and simply perceive. Or experiences such as being swept away by a fantastic piece of music. Alternatively, there are moments of life, such as a newborn child, and moments of death, such as severe mourning.

All ‘I' ideas vanish in those moments, leaving only perception–consciousness.

What happens when you spiritually awaken?

As Kaiser argues, this is the start of your spiritual journey, as you begin to doubt everything you previously believed. You begin to purge certain aspects of your life (habits, relationships, and outdated belief systems) in order to make room for new, more meaningful experiences. You may sense that something is lacking, but you aren't sure what it is. It's common to feel disoriented, confused, and down during this time.

Can kundalini awakening hurt?

Kundalini awakening is characterized by the following characteristics. Sensations of ‘energy' moving or imprisoned in specific regions of the body, most commonly the chakra points. This process may become ‘visible' to the experiencer in some way. The energy is too strong or uncomfortable to tolerate, and it is frequently accompanied by shaking, jerking, or spasms.

What are the stages of spiritual awakening?

The hero's journey, an evolutionary process of growth and transformation woven into all great myths and stories, was outlined by renowned mythologist Joseph Campbell: “A genuinely heroic shift of awareness occurs when we stop worrying about ourselves and our own self-preservation.”

The primary pushing off point for any hero's quest is known as the call to adventure. The call to adventure is a break from regular life, a signal that comes from deep inside, grabs your attention, and drives you in a new direction. The spark that sets off a spiritual awakening is a call to adventure. Every life has a moment that, if grasped, will change it forever. The call to adventure is a reawakening experience, a shift in perspective that forces you to reconsider your perspective on life. A travel to a strange location, the loss of innocence, an illness, a challenge, the death of a close friend, a near-death experience, or the loss of a job are all examples of spiritual experiences. Regardless of the specifics, the experience alters your perspective and causes you to see the world through fresh eyes. You've been given the task of living an ordinary life in an extraordinary way.

At this critical juncture, Joseph Campbell advises that you must choose whether or not to accept the call to adventure. In truth, though, ignoring the call isn't an option because your soul is inviting you to change on a deeper level. If you ignore the call, the opportunity will recycle itself like a skip on a record, patiently waiting for you to embrace the call to a new existence, thanks to your unique karmic influences. Furthermore, there is no going back once a transforming and deeply waking incident has occurred. Your eyes have been opened, and no matter how much you try to reject it, you can't turn away from the image of a greater reality calling to you.

You enter a broader universe once you've answered the call to adventure. You take an active role in your spiritual development and advancement. As you begin to manage your life toward chances that enhance your knowledge, responsibility becomes the operative word. Everything feels the same and weirdly different at the same time, thanks to a tiny alteration in perspective.

What does a spiritual awakening feel like?

Psychological research on spiritual and kundalini awakenings is still in its early stages, and it has tended to ignore events that occur suddenly and unexpectedly. Studies on the impact of mystical experiences, such as spiritual and kundalini awakenings, on well-being have identified the predominantly positive, healing effects of these experiences, as well as some of the more challenging aspects brought on both by their disruptive nature and by their typically biased clinical interpretations. Despite a greater number of research addressing the powerful physical aspect of kundalini awakenings compared to spiritual awakenings, the subtle phenomenological variations between spiritual and kundalini awakenings have rarely been studied. The interchangeable use of these terminology could make it difficult to comprehend these experiences and their effects, especially as stronger bodily feelings may imply more difficult outcomes. Some of the phenomenological and neurobiological bases of drug and non-drug induced ASCs, as well as the links between the spiritual features of ASCs and the symptoms of TLE and trait absorption, have been investigated by neuroscientific and psychological study. However, SSA/SKAs have yet to be mapped within the ASC framework, and the common predictors used to research ASCs (TLL and absorption) have not been tested as efficient predictors of SSA/SKAs.

This paper will explore the general properties of SSA/SKAs, their consequences on well-being, how they compare to other measurable ASCs, their links with TLL and absorption, and the potential phenomenological variations between them in order to fill certain gaps in the data. The authors hypothesize that Spontaneous Kundalini Awakenings (SKAs) are not only more physical than Spontaneous Spiritual Awakenings (SSAs), but also more likely to produce negative experiences, based on the prevalence of anecdotal accounts of physical and energetic experiences preceding challenging kundalini experiences. After that, the phenomenological distribution of spontaneous Spiritual and Kundalini Awakenings will be mapped within the ASC framework by comparing their phenomenological distribution to that of non-drug and drug-induced ASCs. Following a similar approach to the investigation of induced ASCs, analysis will be undertaken to evaluate the hypothesis that TLL and trait absorption predict the severity of the SSA/SKA ASC. More research will be done to see how the SSA/SKA sample's population distribution compares to the distribution of previously reported “normal” TLL and absorption samples. The short- and long-term effects of these events on one's well-being will be investigated.

Does everyone have an awakening?

The most important aspect of spiritual awakening is that it does not occur in everyone. Only a select few people have the opportunity to experience spiritual awakening. You won't be able to bring about spiritual enlightenment on your own. That's because it's the product of your soulful development. This is referred to as the growth, expansion, and inner peace process. Within the soul of a person who is experiencing spiritual awakening, they will feel enormous delight and freedom.